ashes to ashes

I don't know who I am or if I even know where I want to be. I'm in my room, cleaning, trying to organize things so I can get my life in order. But I'm not organizing or cleaning things.. just putting them in bags and hiding them from view... just like my life.

I'm dodging questions, running away from problems and confrontation in order to maintain peace and stability. This eden will, too, soon break into a thousand pieces. I can just feel it. Already, it has started to crumble but this was not by my own doing; It's the people around me, judgemental in their state and foolish in the wake of their being. They don't even know what they're doing or what they're saying. They don't even know who they are. And here I go again, talking like I'm walking, but I'm stumbling and falling. I'm nowhere near close to where I want to go.

All I know is that I want to be anywhere but here, but this is the only place that needs me; and thus, this is the only place [that for now] I belong.

I cannot stay here and wade in my regression; I know now that I can grow wherever I please because I have no real roots; all former roots have been lifted and burnt to ashes. Now, I belong to no one... not even myself.

Nothing makes sense, nothing is real...
Nothing so wordly can rake what I feel.

"I'm not falling in love, I'm just falling to pieces."